remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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