sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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