corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
