Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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