dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
