someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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