you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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