I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
