quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
