last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I would ride that face into the sunset
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
