I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
