in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
