when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize