I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
