Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
