Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
