I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
