Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
