I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
