I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
