Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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