Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
