your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
