why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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