Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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