U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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