Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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