Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
