Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
