Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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