and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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