But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
