I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
