he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.