Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.