It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?