If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?