So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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