yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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