oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i love accidental penises.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.