the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My ATM looks so different sober.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.