is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?