I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245