I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him