it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
