I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I could fuck to npr.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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