i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
