Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
