Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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