I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
