no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
