Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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