Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
honey bunches of taint.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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