When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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