Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
