I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
