and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
