i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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