I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
