the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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