do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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