one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
