im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
should my penis look like a turkey
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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