I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
