remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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