I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
