A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
