I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
