They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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