Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
