I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
