She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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