I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
