im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize