If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
