On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
