Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
