Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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