i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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