She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
