I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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