somebody snuck up and got me drunk
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I deserve this hangover.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
