I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize