We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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