Jerry, you need to find god
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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