do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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