Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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